Circles of Care

With son Nick, 19, on the Hill for NCLR and United Way Advocacy Days
Happy Birthday Nick!  Beware of the "Ides of March"

It is a mutual recognition of the human condition that drives the creation of culture. As we recognize inherent qualities unique to human existence – our desire to find love, to live free of suffering, or seek truth – we consolidate many individual experiences under a single collective experience. This overarching collective experience enables those who subscribe to cultivate themselves through various forms of exchange.

Culture – despite its transforming effect on our species – proves incapable of fostering the shared sense of human identity that led to its creation. Rather, culture polarizes those who subscribe and those who stand apart in the formation of an exalted “we” and an estranged “them.” In essence,the more ingrained humans are with their culture, the greater the distance between those of other cultures (and those who fail to subscribe to the culture in question.)

In reading the “Children and the Dark Side of Human Experience,” I was confronted by a seemingly simple question, “Don’t you care about your people?” (Garbarino Pg. 39) When viewed in an American context,the answer is anything but simple.

The question was posed by a Korean businessman in response to an appalling statistic concerning the number of Americans without health care coverage. His question speaks volumes of our culture’s susceptibility to fear and the brutality exacted on those we are told to fear. In the case of health care,the fear of universal care bankrupting the system prevents our society from recognizing the fundamental needs of every human being (Garbarino Pg. 40).  A similar case can be made for those convicted of murder or those suspected of terrorism. In each case, the “we” internalize the actions of an accused “them,” generating a response formed on the basis of fear rather than compassion (fear being the polarizing agent and compassion being the agent for unification).

When the media bombards the public with the events of a tragic school shooting, the first response is almost always “What if it was my kid in that body bag?” and hardly ever “What if it was my kid in hand cuffs?” Why? For one,it is considerably harder to form a response from the intangible.

Take the previous example, we are more likely to be influenced by the grotesque images displayed in the media (The hysterical students, the lifeless bodies sealed in bags, and the yellow police line twisting in the wind) than on the intangible life experience of the shooter. In all, the fear that is generated, our ability to consider the estranged “them” and the elements in their life that led to such a tragedy is impeded; both by our emotion for the apparent victims and the fearful prospect of such an event taking place within our inner circle.

Out of fear, the “we” cry for retribution, rather than for compassion.

-This article was an essay submitted by my 19-year old son Nicholas who is in his first year at Loyola University in Chicago studying Psychiatry & Medicine. Happy Birthday Nick!