Mom's Right...Don't Burn Bridges

There’s an old adage we’re all familiar growing up with:  “What comes around goes around” or “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”

A few years ago, I interviewed a sharp, talented young man to lead a project.  His credentials were impeccable, references acceptable and his personality and public appearance seem well-suited for the job.  In the following months, I started picking up unsolicited feedback from his network in his previous work and learned that he was opinionated and arrogant.  Rather than to go head-on with my newly appointed find, I took a back-seat approach and started to piece his communications and followed up with my clients that were working with him.  Then one day I received a blind carbon copy (bcc) email from one of my colleagues of an email sent by my young employee.  The content of that document had harmful statements and potentially damaging repercussions that could negate our relationship with key business leaders.  Without putting my source in harm’s way, I turned my follow-up meeting with my young employee into a learned-lesson of life…To keep your affairs in order and to “Engage your thoughts before engaging your mouth or words.”

I’ve known many colleagues and intimate friends over the years who have either come a long way in their career path or unfortunately, sealed their fate by “Burning Bridges” from their previous employers and clients.

For those unfortunate ones, their problem was communicating unwarranted negative statements, derogatory comments and in some cases, defamation of an individual or company through electronic messaging via email, text messages or social media postings.  Consequently, their actions bit back from behind.  The trouble they ran into was not paying attention to their “intended” audience which mushroomed into many different audiences.   Additionally, there’s the difficulty of managing and differentiating your personal and professional social media handles from Facebook, LinkedIn or Google Circles to even your own email contacts.

Lessons can be learned from the downfall of former Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick’s 370,000 text messages which ultimately resulted in numerous charges of embezzlement and corruption to the CIA Director’s affair caught by FBI e-mail monitoring.

But back on earth as you interact and engage with people –be it your neighbor, friend or people who you deal with on a day-to-day basis - Remember that anything you say will leave an impressionable mark in people’s mind.  Unless you’re clergy or an intimate and trusted confidant, people do not forget and people ultimately “Kiss and Tell” given the opportunity or circumstance. This is how the rumor-mill begins.

As we see many talented young adults enter the workforce, these communication tools become inherently part of their daily life.  Surely, they must know that we all now live in a huge fishbowl and that the world is everyone’s eye.  Especially today’s employer, recruiter or human resource manager – where they could drill deep into your social media world and find out whether you’re a Red Wings groupie, love sushi or “liking” cute animal pages.  Although many of these superlatives have no real factor in hiring or firing – it’s the little things like posting inappropriate personal messages or photos publicly that might be construed as a risk behavior. 

My intent is not to scare or prohibit you from exercising your freedom of expression and choices, nor to put a paranoia bug in your head when communicating, but to be mindful and careful of the words and actions you choose that may impact and negate others, because it may one day haunt you.

So take it from a mother’s advice and play nicely.